asteya – Alexandra Langstaff

Had works at the local ski area.

During the busy holiday times, when Dee and I aren’t working as hard as he is, we take turns calling him with phoney phone calls. It was her idea, a way to lighten up his harried day.

Her best:

“We have reservations for Christmas vacation, can you give me directions from Chicago to Vermont?”

When he lists off highway numbers and exits she looses it. If he was serious then he is an excellent customer service representative. If he knew it was Dee then he’s a good brother playing along.

My best:

“Hello may I help you?”

“Yes. Do you do birthday parties?

“Uh, What?”

“I have 10 four year old kids and I’d love to do a skiing birthday party.”

(Pause from Had….a long pause…. ) “Perhaps I can connect you with marketing…”

“It would be great if you could wear a costume, something with antlers,” I add.

(Pause from Had. Choking sounds from me.)

“Okay Alexandra…”

I laughed so hard and long that I thought he hung up.

He was just patiently waiting for me to get over myself.

Had started this family practice, back in the 60’s, when he and the boy next door enacted mini dramas over the phone to some poor chump, before caller ID.

“Hey Joe, meet me behind Russel’s store in town. I’ve got the stuff.” (BND whispers.)

(Had shoots off a cap gun.)

“Ahhh, they got me!”

(Hang up phone.)

Sometimes the gun needed more than one pull of the trigger to produce the desired effect. Still, it was impressive.

While in college I made a tape to play once my father picked up the phone. I didn’t trust myself to keep a straight face or voice.

“Hello, is this Charlie Smith? (Pause- allowing him to respond.)

“If you can name this tune in 7 notes you will win a Ford Pinto!”

(I play the first 7 notes of “Oh What a Beautiful Morning” on my Casio calculator.)

As expected he guesses the song in about 3 notes because he sings it every morning.

“Oh What a Beautiful Morning!” , he yells. (Song keeps playing.)

“ I said Oh What a Beatiful….” (He’s cut off)

“I’m sorry, time’s up. It was “Oh What a Beautiful Morning”. Better luck next time”

I hit the stop button and hang up.

I have to thank Dee, Had, Hopper and the boy next door for inspiration, ideas, and the ability to prank and graciously be pranked to this day.

Unfortunately phoney phone calls aren’t the innocent fun they started out as. Now most are methods for scamming and stealing.

Ahimsa, the second Yama means non stealing. It doesn’t refer solely to robbing stores, taking things that don’t belong to us or taking advantage of the elderly. Nor is it just wasting someone’s time complaining, boasting, or being late. It includes the taking of ideas.

Theft brings sadness, confusion, anger, envy and frustration.

Fortunately it is easily remedied by giving credit where credit is due.

Show respect, honor and gratitude for those who inspire you. Maybe it’s a teaching technique, business advice, an idea, a joke or good deed.

Be a borrower and a lender of thoughts and ideas. Be a giver of credit. If we practice this there is no need for theft.

Namaste… is your refrigerator running?

The Nestle’s Quik tin was kept in a corner cupboard and to reach it required getting up on to the counter. I don’t remember when we were allowed to make chocolate milk by ourselves but it must have been after Had, Dee and I stopped spilling milk at dinner.
At least weekly one of us was banished to the kitchen to finish eating alone. I can still see me and my red Captain Kangaroo cup shunned until dinner was over. Something about milk dripping through the slats of the dining room table drove Mom crazy.
One day while pulling out the chocolate powder I noticed a red wallet. Inside was a ten dollar bill. Obviously I had discovered treasure. Finders keepers.
A few days later Had announced he had been robbed. THAT WAS HIS WALLET?
I was mortified so of course I denied knowing anything about it. Apparently there was no doubt that Dee and I were innocent so interestingly the subject was dropped. I remembered thinking “phew, that was easy”.

Twenty years later, in a moment of pleasant sibling inebriation, I confessed to Had.
“Here’s ten bucks, I swear I didn’t know it was your wallet, don’t tell Mom”,

Even after all this time I was afraid of Mom’s reaction but assumed my secret would be kept.

It wasn’t.

“I can’t believe you stole that money”, Mom said. “I was sure Keath took it so he was never invited to stay here again”.
Cousin Keath, from Kentucky, was an Eagle Scout and why she ever thought him capable of theft still astounds me. He was excellent at building tree houses and making spears. A couple of convicts escaped from Comstock Prison that summer so the spears were protection when going upstairs to bed.
For a short time I thought I should apologize to him, but didn’t. Look where the last confession got me.
My exciting discovery and subsequent shame followed years later by a drunken confession and more shame still wakes me up periodically in the middle of the night. My action and non-action affected so many people. Had was sad. Mom was mad. Keath was confused. Dee was relieved not to be a part of the story.
Asteya and Satya are two of the five Yamas that remind us how to engage with ourselves and the world around us. These two encourage non-stealing and truthfulness.
“I’m surprised I didn’t realize you were lying”, Mom said. “Usually your face gets beet red”.
That did it. Those two Yamas became ingrained. (Mama’s Yamas). When I find money on the ground, or anywhere, I either leave it or give it to the next person I see. I’m not taking any chances at having my face turn the color of Had’s wallet.

Namaste- find a treasure, give it away.

Tag: asteya

Phoney Phone Calls

Finders Keepers?